Earth-sided vision

I saw it. The pain in your eyes. And it shot a dagger through my very soul. The part of you that wanted to stay. Because you had so much to see yet. So much to do. . 

 I know you would’ve liked to see all your grands and great grands live life in their prime. I, by watching you, felt that pain somewhere to. 

But what’s it like from the other side.?

I believe Heaven is all and more that you ever missed out on here. And I’m so glad you’re free from pain, free from sadness, free from all your hard times.

 But I only see it from this side and I wish I could go back and do some things differently. And all the good times we had? Yeah, I wish I would’ve known what I had then. 

 Often when my day is fraught with seeming failure, I wonder if you can see me trying my best? It spurs me on to continue with this journey and gives me courage because I know you want us and our little ones in Heaven with you someday. 

Anger, fear and frustration want to boil inside me at times and I don’t understand why. Why all the grief in the world.. why? We serve an Almighty God and He could reach down and in one touch- one word- one motion- heal. Mend broken hearts right now. Cure cancer. Reverse ugly diseases.. 

But then I remember that this Almighty is the one that continues to love me when I doubt Him. Continues to wrap His arms around me when I’m angry. Continues to wait with me in the hallway as I’m waiting for direction as to where to from here. And He continues to lead me. On and on. Some days are pleasant and I praise him. Other days I almost forget that He’s in control..  And no. I still don’t know why He chooses to heal some and others continue to be ill. But I must choose to leave it. Choose to trust that His ways are truly better than mine.