Air Mail to Heaven

“One step at a time, walking with Jesus, one step at a time with His hand in mind. Though the road is rough, winding and so rugged. I will make it home. One step at a time.”

Did you hear them sing it? Did you know the emotions that flew through my mind… the memories? Was it pretty? Is it still your theme song? Do the angels sing it for you? Maybe you sing it now! I feel almost abit bitter tonight and I know it will pass. But I don’t like change. Never hav. And this is such a big one. Why? I know they say cancer never wins but sometimes I wanna fight that to. But I know in the light of eternity, cancer didn’t win. You did! You always liked to win. Or I think you did! And you ran a good race. And you won. You beat us all to Heaven! And you got a blue ribbon.. Sometimes the healing for everyone involved seems long but  like your song says“with His hand in mine- I can face the future. With his hand in mine- He will bear the load. Then some day I’ll reach Heavens shining portals one step at a time He will guide me home.” And I know he will. We sensed Him guiding you home and the submission you had. So we will submit to.. alright.. it’s getting late here on earth and we get tired down here.. good night.

I promise♥️

A Step Above

“Oh punkin- so many things to learn. Hope your day is good” My phone alerts me with this message. “Hmmmph” I sigh. “Yeah, this punkin does have a lot to learn.” And good luck on my day. Getting pedicures with a toddler? Who has ever been so stupid? Why can’t we just leave the kids. Why can’t I just have a day out? Why can’t I just stay home? Why? Who even cares about birthdays?” And the rant goes on and on. Torrents of anger spew out on paper like rain from hurricane ida. Suddenly, I see it as selfish, all these “I deserve more sleep- I don’t deserve these storms to keep me awake at night- I deserve a day out- I deserve to feel better” attitudes. And maybe it is my turn to feel better maybe not. Maybe my body is screaming for more sleep, maybe things haven’t gone my way for awhile- but finally has life went your way lately? Didn’t think so. I must remember today that this is the child I prayed for. God created her- like all of us- with unique needs. I am privileged to be her mother. I will pack that diaper bag to the gills- and I’ll hold my head up high when I pull out the 3rd bottle of milk for my one year old and it’s only 2:33 pm. 

And I’ll ask to stop for coffee because self love is important to!♥️

As always a disclaimer. Day went absolutely fabulous! Couldn’t ask for anything better! 

A year of thanksgiving

A year ago- I wondered who my baby girl would be. And what would it feel like for her to be ours? 

And now- I know. She’s our tornado- and she’s loved for every bit that she is. I feel very unworthy for all the blessing the last year has been.. and for all who have been a blessing in helping us get through it. Not every minute of it would I want to re-live. But it has been so good.

And I feel like God is the giver of these blessings.

He’s blessed us with a supportive “village” we could have not done without.

A huge thank you to Big daddy and Nana. To being the BEST neighbors a girl could ask for. Thanks for giving me/us breaks from Summer. Has helped my mental capacity tremendously. Thanks for coming over into a house that the floor sometimes can hardly be seen.. for vacuuming. For washing dishes, for folding laundry.. y’all are the best.!♥️ 

And thanks for your unconditional love.

Thanks to Pops and Mimi- you can’t be here always like we’d like but your prayers for the cause has given me strength probably only God knows. And thanks for the times you have come- and have babysat like at the lake! Thanks for you unconditional love ❤️ 

 

A shoutout to all our siblings and friends.. for your willingness to hang out with us. And having high maintenance kids along with us. And for loving the little children♥️ 

We still need your advice and love! I truly believe it does take a village to raise a child! Thanks for being a part of ours!🤍

Four years♥️

Four years and a “Summer” later I’m thinking… 

Reminiscing about an awesome weekend! A Saturday night supper in MY gym!😜😜 surrounded by MY people!  My world was smaller then.. and throughout these four years his people have become mine… sometimes I am sad at the change.. I look back to being ‘footloose and fancy free’ and hanging out with my youth friends and it is fondest memories! Can’t believe four years can fly by so fast.! I’m so thankful for MY people. (Those of you who tutored me through my 18 years in MS) you are loved and thought of often.. never ever forgotten.. and I’m thankful for my people now.. I’m glad I learned to know you! 

Tomorrow is our anniversary thus the thinking.!

If you have a memory of our wedding you should comment with it or send it to me! 

because I’d love to hear from you 

Jus a note to close! My day today was no way like it was ‘back then’ on my Saturday night supper.

a child tryin to climb out of the tub with a snotty nose

. A house job. An almost (or was it closer than that) run out of gas in my explorer on the way to a house job experience! ( Fords can go a ways on 0 miles to empty)🙈

 a spilled drink.. 

wiping up Cheerios and squash and chicken and yogurt off the floor.

A child who was happy but didn’t want to sleep and therefore her mother(who needed sleep badly) sacrificed a good nap. 

And jus things like that.!

But I was happy then. And I’m happy now!

Climbing efficiently

We all have a ladder to climb. We all have a destination to reach. And we all have baggage. Some have heavier packs. Some have awkward satchels. Some seem necessary some don’t. And some people seem to have their ‘fair share’ of a heavy load.

Some people climb with ease and efficiency, some, weakened and frazzled, barely have the strength to climb to the next rung.

On this climbing journey we are all trying to grow- spiritually and emotionally.

Yesterday my mind was heavy with all the burdens my friends and acquaintances seemed to be carrying. It wanted to deter me from my work. From concentrating on my family and the place where God had planted me. I messaged my mom. “I know these aren’t my burdens to carry, but I feel so bad. I know i jus need to let go. To keep my mind in my boat, but still.” 

She assured me I was right. And it wasn’t helping their burdens by feeling bad. Sure I could pray- and I should pray- but then leave it with God. It didn’t need to swamp me.

This morning I was sweeping and this whole conversation came floating through my mind again. And with it this thought.

You can’t hold on to these things and climb. Oh…. Right… these things aren’t mine. And they do hinder my climbing. There’s no grace for me to carry these.

I knew God wanted these “burdens”  I was carrying. Because His will is pure, and He knows best. I found freedom in that. And was thankful I serve a God that is willing to help me. 

Happy climbing♥️

Crazy about Clearwater

 Clearwater Florida

 Maybe it’s just me. Maybe it was the time of life we were in... maybe it’s true love.. I don’t know.. but I love this place.. 

it was the honeymoon destination for us.. and it was jus as lovely on the return visit a few summers ago!! And how I long to again exit reality and enter  this place so freeing to me.. sunshine- parasails- food- surf shops. Street performers and sunsets.. beautiful sunsets.. straight over the water sunsets.. awwww.. kids and families and newlyweds- foreigners and home folks alike. Cartoonists.. is that what they’re called?! People who make cartoons out of your drawings? Bikers and walkers and drivers and golf carts and funny cars..

You see it all.. I miss it.. It’s not for everyone.. not everyone likes crowded beaches and the hub of city life.. but something about Clearwater is addicting... it’s a place I go home with a hangover.. it’s a place I get an awful hankering for.. it’s a place I get drunk on..

Disclaimer.. I don’t mean alcohol drunk..  I’ve never been there! Clearwater drunk is the healthiest drunk out there!

Worth it All

  Worth it all. Worth it all- Heaven will be worth it all. Worth it all- worth it all- Someday. Heaven will be worth it all.🎶

Sometimes i hesitate to write or think about Heaven.. because of my fears that I’ll die and then everyone looking back will say- oh yeah. See God was preparing her.. but tonight I am gonna write because I don’t believe we serve a God like that.. 

            I choose to believe in a God that gives us glimpses into His eternal glory because of Love.. because He doesn’t want us to fear Heaven.. tonight as I was getting ready for bed the above song was on my mind. And I’m so thankful for the touch that God gave me.. Worth it all.. worth it all Heaven will be worth it all..

Worth all the busy weeks when we struggled to keep our heads above water... 

Worth all the times mamas choose happiness of the kids over the cleanliness of the hut.

Worth all the times we’ve bowed  our heads and asked God  to forgive us for saying the one too many things.

Worth all the effort time and money we have put  into ourselves to become a better me (in the right way) so we can become better for our families.

Worth all the noses we’ve wiped the times we’ve said “no” or the times even we’ve said “yes” and added yet another thing to our schedule.. 

worth all the confused tears..

Worth all the emotions-all the times I’ve not even been able to say how my heart feels because well— it’s too lumpy and awkward to try to tell..

Worth it all to me- because of the rest that will be there.

Sometimes our hearts are just not at home here... somewhere there is a longing that cannot be reached- cannot be identified. Don’t you think that that is Heaven tugging?!.. I don’t know..  this post was not long thought of...  but I appreciate the glimpse God gave me of how it WILL be worth it all... 

Thankful Thursday

 Jus a farm girl. Thankful for green tractors-dust and Arby’s.Thankful for farmers and farmers babies♥️ Thankful that there’s peace abounding great in bad days. Thankful for cows milk-fresh is always best- thankful for the suns  heat rays.. finally feeling like sultry hot summers on his way.. which I mostly love! I’m thankful for sunsets and Ford explorers. I’m thankful for sisters. And Mimi’s and Nana’s. For diet Coke’s and baby Tylenol... mostly I’m greatful for rest. God’s Rest..

Every day may not be good- but there’s something good in every day... 

Whose counting?

Whose counting?

She noticed he was eyeing the cake. “Have another piece” she offered graciously. He declined adding that he’d had one already. “Whose counting?” And with that question he took the piece.

“Whose counting?” Often times I feel bad for wanting peace. For wanting a total assurance of sins forgiven... but do I tell my Saviour!? No- for I sinned yesterday and He forgave me then. Or helped with a problem jus 5 minutes ago!    “Whose counting?” I hear Him ask? I’ve got bottomless “cake” to cover your hunger... it doesn’t matter if you’ve had 75 “pieces” today already.. I’m not counting and you don’t need to either...

Perfection at its Finest

What is perfection? A perfect life. Well no, not perfect- normal life struggles but a perfect attitude. One that takes life in stride and with chin up- never gives in to defeat? A life that’s even? No highs- no lows. Never angry? Never anxious. Never would let in to a bad day. For we can conquer it right? 

Perfection.... human.... does it mix? Well I think it does.. a perfect human is a fallible one still. A perfect human accepts Gods grace is there for him. A perfect human is prone to bad days- for we are human after all. But a perfect human admits them. He cries out to Gods grace AGAIN. He accepts he can’t do it by himself. He cries out to his friends.. asking them to fall down on there knees on interception for his struggle. A perfect human is vulnerable. For only when we become imperfect can we allow Gods grace to complete us to perfection.

Motherly Morning Musings

 It’s 5:45 am. I am up with my baby as she thinks it is time to play. And my own self wants to back in my bed-getting what I thought was much needed shut eye

You kindly told there’s no need to worry or to fear

You kindly told me that You’d always walk with me down here

You kindly told me that there’d be a way for me ahead

And that there is no reason on this earth to fear or dread

Cause this earth is Heaven-a Haven in my heart

When You abide there-never to depart

Cause you will fill me-and take away my fear

If I’ll but let You it’ll be a Heaven here

But there is one requirement-to give my will to You

And let You have your perfect way in everything I do

So I will give my life to You to shape Lord as You please

If you will take this trembling heart and calm these raging seas.

Cause this earth is Heaven-a Haven in my heart

When You abide there-never to depart

Cause you will fill me-and take away my fear

If I’ll but let You it’ll be a Heaven here

But this is where You want me

Hey... yes... I miss you...

I miss looking forward to seeing you when mom and dad show up..

I miss your sloppy hair...

I miss your awesome smile...

I miss video calls and daily, almost daily, messages...

I miss you telling me devins coming over...

I miss you spilling your doubts about the future to me...

I miss bunny rides-sunsets-harvestime-coffeeshops..

I miss singing when we were sposed to be working...

I miss lame jokes/salsaritos/Altima rides

I miss hearing you an Jace go round and round 

But... I’m so glad you’re where God wants you to be and that you’re happy there!!

I’m jus laying on my bed.. bored.. kinda tired but too keyed up to sleep.. Jace is riding dirt bike. Summer is sleeping... and yeah jus needed to write.., 

Life changes so much.. and sometimes I catch myself wishing for the good ole days.. hot summery days when the sun didn’t set for awhile.. I miss getting up from the table and going outside to ‘warm up’ before mom hailed us in to do dishes.. I miss sleeping in the same bed talking am talking long after we were sposed to be sleeping.. life changes so much.. instead I’m a mom now... a wife now... my home is in Florida now... I have other friends too.. I have a house of my own to clean and look after... I don’t have any one to annoy me(weeeeeelll maybe I do but you know) and sometimes... sometimes...  I’d take the good ole days again.. but life gets richer doesn’t it? With bigger challenges comes deeper settled joys.. so my daddy tells me.. 

if this is where You want me.. this is where I wanna be... right here... with my anxiety fear and responsibility.. right here in the good ole sunshine state.. right here when nastolgia tears at the corners of my inner most being..right here in 2020 with Covid. With upcoming election. With riots. Right here with Your people. In Your peace. Trusting Jace with my/our/his salvation. Trusting he is a good dad to Summer.. because this is where You planted me.. This is where I’ll bloom.. ...if this is what God wants why should I question. If this is what God wants why should I fear the great unknown. If this is where God wants me.. then this is where I’ll be. ❤️

June 11,2017

  June 11,2017 dawned a beautiful one. In our hearts as well as outside.. minds and hearts were a roller coaster of emotions at 6069 Cooksville road. Mid morning three handsome men walked in the back door dressed in suit coats. One of them, my favorite, hugged me. I’ll never forget that hug. Arms that reached out of crisply ironed clothes to embrace another soul that also had donned a crisp new set of clothes... it was marvelous. I sometimes forget that hug... how pure and innocent it was. He loved me enough to marry me with all my faults.! I was secure. How many years later I still live with that guy who hugged me. Sometimes I forget that he is the same man. That same man who still wants the best for me. Who still loves me when I fail. Who wants to spend the rest of his life with me. Some days I see someone different. Because I’m looking through myself at him.. some days I blame him for my faults, my shortcomings.. and tell him he’s not doing it right.. but I’ve forgotten that he is the man that hugged me.. and that love for that man is still there.. it is still jpure.. it still leaves me AWESTRUCK... 

FOCUS ON THE MAN THAT HUGGED YOU